|First communion in 1976|
Since I found only murder and darkness in my homeland, I followed the light from the East and emigrated to India spiritually in search of divine truth and living spirituality. In the late' 80s, I got in touch with the Bengalese (Gaudiya) Vaishnavas, a movement of Hinduism which evangelized in the West under the name of "Hare Krishnas". During this time I traveled through Europe to the temples and centers of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON) and twice to India, to Vrindavan and Mayapur, the two most important pilgrimage places of the Bengalese Vaishnavas. I studied all the books of Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada, the founder of ISKCON, as well as other spiritual classic Indian Scriptures, had a nice time with a lot of devotees and "friends of Krishna", doing harinam and sankirtan (collective chanting and dancing), visiting festivals, lectures and classes, doing japa (mantra meditation) a few years, adhered to the regulations and seriously considered to live as a monk in some ashram. Since my profession was computer programmer I published the first German-speaking website about Krishna-Consciousness named "Gaura-Nitai Homepage".
Searching the then completely new World Wide Web I found out about the scandals that took place in ISKCON and how the leadership deviated after the decease of the founder. This made me join a reform movement called PADA, Praphupadanugas and Ritviks, which tried (and still tries) to make things right again. During this time I published more websites, scanned the original German translations of Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada's books, which required an enormous effort at that time, because the books could only be saved as text and not as pictures. Also I translated various texts and scriptures for the websites, including the still popular "The Final Order" of Krishnakant. Some of this websites are still online, but have been shanghaied by a Prabhupada disciple I have worked with in the past. In retrospect I have to say, that "Back to Prabhupada" alone is not the solution to solve the problems of ISKCON. I am still convinced that Prabhupada has appointed priests (ritviks) instead of gurus to enable further initiation in ISKCON after his departure. But it doesn't bother me anymore, because I have lost my connection to ISKCON or left it behind me.
|Hare Krishna Summer Camp, Slovenia 1995|
At the same time I finally read the Bible, which I found to be poorly in comparison with the Indian scriptures, and became interested in Marian spirituality and Christian mysticism. In spite of various difficulties I was able to learn a lot about spirituality and religion, about people and religious organizations, about myself and about life and the world itself.
Finally I came across the books of Jakob Lorber (1800-1864) around 2003. He is the author of a new revelation, a spiritual cleansing or reform of Christianity. And now my firm conviction, based on the masterpieces of Indian spirituality, was overshadowed by a very simple Austrian prophet. How pathetic and insignificant does Jakob Lorber look next to the Indian masters, who sit on thrones and allow themselves to be titled with boastful names such as "Divine Holiness", "Master of all Masters" constantly surrounded and slavishly served by their disciples and followers. Only "scribe of God" claimed Jakob Lorber for himself and lived in much greater humility than the so-called sannyasis (mendicant monks). How humble Jesus looks in His simplicity next to the magnificent Krishna, the Herculean warrior who always moves from one fight to the next. Jesus speaks to brothers and children; Krishna to slaves and servants, in the higher parts to friends and lovers. Jesus speaks as brother and father, Krishna as king. That gave me food for thought. The books of Lorber fascinated me at first glance, although I found them a bit strange initially. I couldn't really accept one or the other statement at first because of existing opinions - but soon enough it turned out that the books of Lorber were superior to other writings or teachings.
For some time I tried to follow Jesus and Krishna at the same time as the Vaishnava gurus taught, but this did not work at all. The Jesus of Hinduism or Vaishnavism is not the real Jesus, he is just a distorted picture like so many other things in the Hindu conglomerate. You can't follow the real Jesus and Krishna at the same time. One of them has to go. I thought about who I would most like to live with in eternity: Peaceful and friendly Jesus Christ, or Krishna, who is actually a rather frightening person, considering how many people he is supposed to have killed, according to the legend. If Krishna were to appear (again?) today, the state and even the Vaishnavas would arrest and imprison him as a murderer of his opponents and a moral criminal. I was kind of struck by lightning: Whom they made me follow? How could I've been so blinded? But even such frightful considerations didn't bring me a solution. Krishna didn't let me escape his clutches so easily. It was a most painful time, like being ripped alive into a thousand pieces. Finally I was convinced by the New Revelation answering several important questions with unlikely ease. These were answers that I had hitherto sought in vain not only in the spiritual writings of the Far East, but also in the Bible and among Christian mystics. The sun of the West surpasses the light of the East - but hardly anyone knows about it! In the New Revelation, I have found more than satisfactory clarification on all the essential issues. Through them I finally found after a long odyssey to Jesus Christ, the true pure devotee, the one and only bona-fide guru and incarnation of God, the heavenly Father. But the New Revelation not only allowed me to replace Krishna with Christ, I also found a way to appreciate the Bible.
Of course, the Vaishnavas have developed sophisticated philosophies as to why it's perfectly okay for Krishna to behave like a fiend, but not for everyone else, apart from exceptions, and whoever gets involved with them should dress warmly. I still consider Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada to be a spiritual guide, a wise man who courageously set out into the heart of darkness to proclaim God there, as far as he understood God. When there was only darkness, his books were there for me. They were like the moon at night. With moonlight you don't see the world like with sunlight, but better a moonlight than no light at all. Nevertheless, there are also some things concerning Prabhupada, which have to be questioned, where one cannot say: The end justifies the means.
In Hinduism and Vaishnavism there are a lot of crazy things, such as guru madness, idolatry and devotee cult. But at the same time there are many beautiful and wonderful things like a great spirit of renunciation, enthusiasm and non-violence. So I came to the following conclusion: I follow Jesus Christ, who is God as man, or incarnation of God, and accept the Gospel as the highest doctrine, by which I mean not only the Bible but also, for example, the writings of Jakob Lorber and Emanuel Swedenborg. At the same time I continue to follow the four regulative principles formulated by Prahbupada (no eating of meat and eggs, no intoxication, no illicit sexuality and no gambling) and try to keep my material demands to a minimum. As a bonus the remarkable philosophy of the Bengalese Vaishnavas in the succession of the mystic Chaitanya help me to better understand higher spiritual things.
Since then I've put up some websites and projects to further the cause of Jesus Christ. I still look for news or revelations from the spiritual world and keep an eye on it, because there is always progress and further development in the spiritual as well. But I don't do this any more with the kind of despair that drives a person who is either searching for truth or who has been stunned by the conditions in the world and who has received either none, bad or only false answers to the fundamental questions of life. When I read the New Revelation, it is like a direct contact with God who speaks to me in my heart. In general, this work has such a power that within a short time one is literally taken out of the clutches of the world and transferred into the kingdom of God, provided that one reads it in the right attitude, in that of true humility, and takes the readings to one's heart. I hope that universal Christianity, or indeed humanity in general, will one day give up the distorted, man-made teachings of the churches and will come to appreciate the spiritual richness that God has generously given away - the teaching of Jesus as it is, again set forth in the New Revelation.
Thank you for reading.